MeyRevived (meyrevived) wrote in hellsingreviews,
MeyRevived
meyrevived
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A Night Out

I hereby sacrefice a brand new fic of mine to your reviews ^_^

Title: A Night Out
Fandom: Hellsing, manga version.
Pairing: Take it as a fic with pairings or not, read whatever you like into it.
type: Humor.
Warnings: A strip show but no graphic description of any naughty bits.
Beta: compli_cait-hime-sama-dono
synopsis: Post Dawn. It's Walter's 21st birthday and Arthur takes him to a special cabaret for his birthday. Islands comes along.
Word count: 5,453

A Night Out
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  • 16 comments

Deleted comment

Could you be more specific about the following:
B, C (if you can find me the page in The Dawn where Arthur's full name is said it'd be lovely), D, and F?

E) I've watched many British comedies and the word "knockers" as slang for breasts was used often there. Also, when I met British people in the UK some used the word "knockers". I'm not a native english speaker, but I've witnessed the use of this word for breast description.

Deleted comment

Integral's full name is Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing. I'm assuming that you're going from that. Only badly misspelled.

Fixed.

And I was not talking about knockers. I'm talking about "great, lovely." As describing words, those two don't go together. Either say "great knockers" or "lovely knockers."

That's a question of style, like the repetition of "darkness". This one falls in the grey area that is aritstic use of words.
E) The phrase "Great, lovely knockers" leads me to believe English is not your first langauge or you are under the age of 15.
F) Walter is more queer than a 3 dollar bill. I highly doubt (unless the singer was Alucard in his girlyform) that Walter would have been so seduced.


Saintedsin. You're an idiot.

That shall be all.
*is speechless*
Problem?
Nope, was just speechless ^_^

Deleted comment

Naw, I'll leave that to you, whorelet.

Deleted comment

Actually, posting for review is allowed. *pats Mish* But no one assures it will be.

Deleted comment

Darkness does become redundant but I thought was done in purpose right? I found no problems with that description. Perhaps because I'm not native, so I don't mind? *shrugs* I know English isn't your first language either, I like it personally.

I'm pretty sure Arthur is just Arthur Hellsing. Other than that, I would point out this:

"I know you did, I know you did." Arthur was elbowing his ribs again, "Enjoyed that singer, didn't you. Oh, she had great, lovely knockers on her, eh boy? Eh?(1)"

The number there has nothing important to add in a note. It's distracting.

I like it.
Yup, I tend to repeat the same word sometimes when I feel it is the best way to describe what I have in mind. Otherwise I use thesaurus to find other forms of words I don't feel are too important.

I'll remove the number and the comment, thank you for that note. ^_^
Anytime. Notes are okay if you are clearing up something that isn't obvious (like some people translate from other languages) or as inner style (like Prattchet).