Wholahay Brown (raykat) wrote in hellsingreviews,
Wholahay Brown

Like shooting fish in a barrel...

Hello, first review. I've lurked here for ages, and things being slow, decided it was finally time to contribute something. Besides, this fic was way too amusing not to share.

Title: matting and wars of the heart
Author: Love Maker
Summary: "victoria loves Alucard but does he love her? a demon terorizes a small town and takes victoria will alucard save her this time...or leave her there to die? and when Integra finds out about them what will she think?"
Genres: Romance/Suspense
Rating: M
Source: Battlestar Volatica

Plot: As best as I can gather: Alucard has a sekrit spechial destiny that he can only fulfill with "Victoria", but their undead bliss is threatened by Integral, who will stop at nothing to have Alucard for herself.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. Only the lack of netspeak elevates the prose just slightly above an AOL chatroom.
Originality: Been there, read that, got the T-shirt.
Characterization: Alucard falls into the same trap so very common in badly done AxS. Poor Integral comes off as one part jealous cow, one weepy teengirl, and one part supervillian. I have no idea who this Victoria is, because she doesn't resemble any canon Seras I know. The short lived demon reads like a downgraded retread of the Cheddar priest. Walter, Pip, Iscariot, and Millennium are all off somewhere giving thanks that they haven't been included in this production.
Entertainment: Extremely high! I laughed myself sick and had a splendid time reading it. Just probably not for any reasons intended by the author.
Canon: Brief references are made to a couple of general series events, but nothing specifically ties it to the TV series, manga, or OVA.
Flaws: In addition to all of the above, the smut scenes were just kind of odd, but not in a good sort of weird!sex way. Also, Victoria is Seras's surname, not her first name.
Strengths: Well... I was never bored.
Suggestions: Get a Spell-check. Get a Grammar-check. Get a Beta Reader. But first, please just sit down and carefully rewatch the anime and/or reread the manga before starting any future fanfic projects.
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!) So toxic, your grandchildren will have gills.

Sample of the story:

"Police girl let us play a game ...yes!.

Vitoria just looked at him " uh what kind of game"

Alucard began to undress himself " a game of hide and seek... you hide and i seek" a grin appeared on his face

"what happens if you dont find me" Victoria said looking a Alucard as he took of his shirt.

"you get to have your way with me...but if i win i get to have my way with you ...deal" Victoria liked the idea of being able to have her way with him

Victoria ran out the room shouting "come find me if you can" Alucard counted and started his search for Victoria

"were are you " Alucard shouted as he looked and searced through all the dark hallways. In another part of the house Victoria was wondering if Alucard would ever find her. Two hands took hold of her body she tought it was Alucard but she was wrong it was Sir. Integra "oh hello miss.."

"shhhh" Integra whispered as he draged Victoria into a dark room and began to kiss up on her.

"what are you doing" Victoria said pushing he off of her.

"doing what i want" she said with a grin on her face

"are you gay?" she asked puzzled but she creeped closer to Victoria. she couldnt hurt her cause her job was to protect her. so what was she to do. Eventually Victoria gave in and let Integra have her way with her. She stopped kissing Victoria for a moment then slaped her accross the face.

"whats so special about you what do you have that i dont why is that ALucard would rather have a pathetic girl than a women like me" Integra continued to look down at Victoria "im not gay i just wanted to see if maybe i could see what Alucard saw in you that he didnt see in me" Integra began to walk.

"what a bitch" Victoria thought as she rubbed her brussing cheak. A minute later Alucard found Victoria sitting down in a chair

" whats wrong?" he asked he wrapped his arms around her she pushed him of she was so mad at what Integra said "why are you with me why do you kiss me why did you sleep with me why arnt you all up inside Sir. Integra?" she said coldly looking at Alucard.
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