Title: New Residency
Author: Sparkle26591 (who knew there were so many?)
Summary: There is a new residant at the Hellsing house, Who is she and why did Alucard bring her back? R and R please (OMG like intrigue!!)
Rating: Rated T for tacky.
Source: The Ninth Ring of Hell
Alucard (for some strange reason never stated) saves the life a teenage girl named Rose Cortez (Rosco to her friends), and brings her back to Hellsing. She wakes up in his coffin on top of him; is your Suedar going haywire? Mine was too.
Surprisingly enough, the only thing that ensues is some blushing and a snarky exchange between the two. Apparently Rosco knows exactly who and what Alucard is—and his name although they were never properly intro'd—and… still manages to calmly snark at him. I suppose I must applaud her bravery, my thoughts in that situation would have run more along the "Oh my god, oh my god, I'm going to die—I hope it's not too painful" line. But that's just me.
I'm not sure if Alucard turned Rosco into a vampire or not, but whatever he did Integra… seems totally okay with it. Yeah.
The word "hiya" is repeated more than once. This is probably the greatest crime a fic can commit. Hell, scratch that, that's the worst crime anyone can commit. Massacre all the infants you want, just please don't say the H-word.
Anyway, one thing leads to another and a… prank war is started. Surprise, surprise, looks like Rosco wasn't a Sue after all. Seems like a self insert, though. Apparently the author harbors a desire to play pranks on dangerous, sadistic, psychopathic, insane, carnage-loving vampires. Hey, it's your neck.
Six chapters, ongoing.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Spelling errors, but not too many. First person, can get a bit confusing at times.
Originality: The self insert is as cliche as cliche can be. Prank wars, however, are something new.
Characterization: OOC is the only way to describe it. At least the author admitted that it might very well suck (which it did).
Entertainment: Um… laugh at the whole ridiculousness of it all?
Flaws: Everybody's OOC, there's a self insert, the word "hiya" is used, the dialogue is weird at times, I could go on.
Strengths: Points for not making Integra a bitch and for it not really being a Sue… yet. Grammar's not too horrendous, I guess.
Suggestions: Try getting a better grip on the characters before attempting more fanfiction, take a writing class, the potential's there; use spell check, betas are always good things, lose the self inserts, keep trying!
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!). Bad, not quite toxic, the story has no promise but the author does (at least I think she does, with a little practice).
Sample of the story:
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
As soon as I said enter, a girl looking around 16 walked in wearing a black tube top, a black mini skirt and to top it off black leather knee high boots with black fishnet stockings. She had black hair that went down to around her knees and forest green eyes. Alucard came in after her wearing his normal attire, Red coat, black suit and boots, minus the hat and sunglasses.
“Stupid vampire, try to tell me what to wear… ill wear what I wanna wear…” the black haired girl mumbled under breath.
“Good evening Alucard, and…” I waited for the girl’s name.
“Oh hiya girl! My names Rose Cortez. Or Rosco as my friends call me.” Said Rosco while shaking my outstretched hand.
“My name is Integra Wingates Hellsing. I am the leader of the Hellsing organisation and owner of this estate. We have a few rules here so if you will, please sit while we go through them” I said while gesturing towards the chair in front of my desk.
“1) We will have no violence or any of the sort inside this house. 2) The dungeons are off limits unless invited there or are asked to go down there for something. 3)You are to ask consent if you want to leave this house for any reason. 4)…” And the list of rules went on.
“…And PLEASE try not to feed the vampires (insert death glare to Alucard here) straight from the vein… it sends them into a state of bloodlust. You are dismissed. Go for a walk or something. Meet everyone. Perhaps you could go see Seras, im sure you would get along fine with her.”
“Ok! Ill go see Seras then, she might be a bit more fun than ‘Mr I have an ego bigger than the entire state of America’”
I just laughed, because like it or not, Alucard, it’s true.